


Stop Calling Me Dad!

by CopperPolyphony



Category: BNA: Brand New Animal (Anime)
Genre: Comedy, F/F, Fluff, Found Family, Michiru is a disaster gay, Other, Shirou is just Michiru's grouchy dad, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25531942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CopperPolyphony/pseuds/CopperPolyphony
Summary: Some shorts of Nazuna and Michiru being gay and Shirou being a grumpy wolf dad that won't let his daughter have a sword.
Relationships: Hiwatashi Nazuna/Kagemori Michiru, Kagemori Michiru & Ogami Shirou
Comments: 16
Kudos: 274





	1. Let Michiru Have A Sword!

Shirou was lounging on the couch in the study, reading a newspaper when Michiru burst in.

“Shirooou!” 

“What is it this time?” Shirou said, glancing up from his newspaper.

“I found a sword!” Michiru lifted a large sword above her head like a prize. Shirou immediately threw his newspaper down and swiped it away from her.

“No.” He held the sword above his head and out of Michiru’s reach as he walked over to the closet.

“Hey! I found it! It’s my sword!” Michiru said, trying to jump up and grab it, to no success. “I helped save Anima City, why can’t I have a sword?!”

“You’re a child. You don’t get a sword.”

“I’m not a child! I’m almost nineteen!” Michiru turned into birdform and tried to snatch it away with her talons. Shirou dodges away.

“Last week you shoved an entire pack of marshmallows into your mouth and almost choked.”

“That’s not relevant!” Michiru huffed and turned back to her normal beastman form.

Shirou opened the door and threw the sword onto a pile of other items that he had confiscated from Michiru. The tanuki girl peeked inside.

“Hey! Why is that coat I bought you in there?!”

“It uh...”

Michiru huffed and jabbed a finger in his face. “At least tell me if you don’t like my gifts! I paid good money for that coat! It doesn’t have a single bloodstain on it!” She paused “Or at least, that’s what Marie told me...”

“It doesn’t smell right. I like my old coat better." He slammed the door shut. "Now leave me alone.”

Michiru ignored him and continued “You’re a wolf right? So maybe you need to pee on it! Y’know, mark your territory or something!” Shirou glared at her. Michiru put a hand on her chin as a new idea came to her. 

“Hey, do you think I could get people to buy silver wolf piss?!”

“Absolutely not.”

“C’mon, you’re the one always telling me to get a job!”

“Get a real job.”

“Fine! Maybe I’ll be a bank robber! I’ll rob a bank! Then I can buy all the swords I want!”

“No robbery. And no swords!”

“I bet Marie knows how to rob a bank! And Nazuna would help if I asked...” she mused to herself.

Shirou growled. “ _No robbery._ “

Michiru sticks her tongue out at him.  
“Just try and stop me, dad!” She dashed out the door, transforming her lower body into cheetah legs as she ran.

“I’m not your dad!” he hollered after her. Kuro fluttered down to land on his shoulder. Shirou glanced at him. “She wouldn’t really rob a bank...”

The faint sound of alarms echoes into the room.

"Of course she would. Idiot.” He let out a deep sigh and started chasing after her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I promise the next chapter will be more gay.  
> Please let me know what you thought in the comments!


	2. Pipes

Shirou stood nursing his morning coffee at the edge of the beastman co-op’s rooftop, the wind tousling his hair.

“Oh, Shirou! There you are!” Melissa appeared from the stairwell behind him.

“Hm?” He turned and took a sip of coffee.

“I think the pipes are acting up again. Gem is busy this morning, would you mind taking a look for me while I’m out?”

“The ones in the second-floor closet? Again?” Melissa nodded and Shirou sighed. “Alright, I’ll check before I leave.”

“Thank you, Shirou! Take care!” Melissa waved at him before disappearing down the stairwell.

Shirou looked over his shoulder at the window to Michiru’s room. 

“Oi. You up yet, tanuki?” No reply. He spied a single pink feather on the windowsill and snorted. “Guess she’s out with that one again.”

He downed the rest of his coffee and found his way downstairs to the offending closet.

He opened the door to find his not-daughter making out with one fox girl. Michiru had one of her hands stuffed deep into Nazuna’s tail and neither one of them seemed to notice him. 

If Melissa hadn’t asked him a favor, he would’ve slammed the door and walked away. Instead, he settled for clearing his throat and averting his eyes, suddenly finding the molding on the ceiling quite interesting. Michiru glanced over, then did a double take.

“Eh?! Shirou?!” She quickly backpedaled away from Nazuna, hitting the wall. A few brooms clattered to the floor. 

“I-I was just... umm...” She points at Nazuna’s face. “T-There was a thing stuck in Nazuna’s fur and I was just getting it out for her!” One of Nazuna’s ears twitched in amusement.

“Oh yes, she was very helpful,” Nazuna purred.

He sighed. “Just come out of the closet, both of you.”

“I’m gay.” Nazuna said without pause. Michiru whipped her head around to look at her. 

Nazuna shrugged. “What? You heard him. Come out.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know-“

“I-I’m gay!” Michiru yelled, with just a hint of nervousness in her voice.

Shirou stared at her, not surprised at all. “Thanks for stating the obvious.”

“What?!”

Shirou scoffed. “You think I wouldn’t have smelled your girlfriend sneaking in for the past few months? Hell, her scent is all over you.”

“What?!” She turned to Nazuna. “But I’ve been using that skunk stuff you told me would block his smelly powers!”

Nazuna chuckled. “I can’t believe you kept that up! It smells horrible!”

“You tricked me?!”

“Yeah. It was pretty funny, to be fair.”

“Hey!” Michiru angrily punched her on the arm. “Marie’s been bumping the price up on it for the past month!”

Shirou grunted. “Could you two go be gay somewhere else? Melissa said she heard the pipes acting up again.”

“Ahh yes. The pipes.” Nazuna said smugly, stepping out into the hallway. “They were making quite a bit of noise earlier.” She shot a look at Michiru, who blushed.

“Great. So there was never a problem with them in the first place.” Shirou turned and started walking back down the hallway.

“No, don’t listen to her! It’s broken, really! She’s a trickster fox! Trickster fox, I tell you!” Michiru shouted after him.

“Just keep it down next time.” He sighed. “Stupid tanuki.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not entirely happy with this but it’s just been sitting in my notes and I’d rather work on some other stuff so I’m just posting it! >\\\\\<


	3. Livestream

When Shirou stumbled into his apartment at nine PM after a long day of pseudo-vigilantism, the last thing he excepted to see was three teenage girls laughing on his couch in front of a dimly lit TV. Nazuna was holding her phone out like she was taking a selfie and was chattering rapidly into it with Michiru and Nina chiming in occasionally.

“What’s going on here?” he asked.

Nina bounced over to him, ignoring the bloodstains on his hands and coat. Over her shoulder Nazuna and Michiru were still talking into the camera.

“We’re doing a livestream!”

“Like a TV show?” Shirou asked, confused.

“No! A livestream! It’s a collab between me and Nazuna! Fans send in questions and we answer them! You see, Nazuna has a channel where she plays games with Michiru and-“ Nina launched into an lengthy explanation about social media and how to gain popularity, which Shirou promptly ignored as he paced inside.

“Hey dad!” Michiru called over the couch at him, throwing a handful of popcorn into her mouth.

“I’m not your dad!” He frowned. “And if you get any popcorn in my couch, you’re cleaning it.” Michiru stuck her tongue out at him.

“Shirou. Shirou.” Nazuna pointed the camera at him. 

Shirou sighed. “What?”

“Dab.”

“No.”

“Do it for the viewers! Think of the viewers Shirou!” She shook the camera at him.

Michiru leaned over the back of the couch. “Did you forget how to? I taught you last week!”

“No you didn’t.”

“Yes I did! We were on the roof and you were really grumpy but you still did it!”

Shirou huffed. “Fine. Will you stop bothering me if I do it?”

“No.” Nazuna replied, smirking.

“Yes! She means yes!” Michiru quickly put a hand over her girlfriend’s mouth. 

Nazuna pushed her hand away. “Rude.”

Shirou’s gaze darted over each of their faces, then the camera. He sighed and dabbed. 

The three girls burst into laughter.

“I’m leaving.” He turned and walked into the bathroom to wash his hands. Through the open door behind him he can still hear them laughing.

“Ooh, Nazuna, can you send me a screenshot of that?”

“I’ll just post it on my account. Hey, everyone in the chat, go like my photo please!”

“I wonder if we can get Mayor Rose to like it!?” Nina said.

“I’ll text her and ask,” exclaimed Michiru.

“Really? Michiru, how’d you get the mayor’s number?”

“I copied it from Shirou’s phone. Do you want me to give it to you?”

“Hey!” Shirou called back at them. “Don’t post pictures of me online! And don’t bother the mayor.”

“Ahh! She replied! She sent a photo! Oh my gods, Shirou?! Why didn’t you tell me you used to wear sequined disco pants?!?!” 

Shirou growled. “It was one time!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really like the idea of Nazuna having a gaming channel with Michiru. :)


	4. Milkshake

Michiru edged into the study holding a large black, vaguely cannon shaped object that’s almost as tall as she is behind her back. In her other hand she was holding a milkshake.

Shirou sighed and glared at her. “What’s that?”

“A milkshake.” Michiru replied without missing a beat.

“No, the large cannon-shaped thing you’re holding behind your back.”

“What large cannon-shaped thing I’m holding behind my back?”

Shirou glared at her until she sighed and put it down.

“This? It’s a foam cannon!” She patted it on the side.

“Why do you need a foam cannon?”

“Cuz I wanna make foam?! Duh!”

Shirou glared at her.

“C’mon! Marie gave me a discount!”

He sighed. “How much did you pay for it?”

“Um...” Michiru scuffed a foot against the floor and mumbled incoherently.

“What was that?”

“Couldn’t you hear with your dumb doggy hearing?! ¥4000000!”

Shirou raised an eyebrow. “Where’d you get the money?”

Michiru scuffed her foot on the floor. “I used your credit card...”

“Then it’s my foam cannon.” Shirou stood up and picked up the foam cannon. Michiru grabbed the other end and pulled against him like it was a game of tug of war.

“Grrrr! Why do you want it anyways?!” Michiru pulled the cannon towards herself.

“So I can make my entrances flashier.”

“Really?!” Michiru’s face lit up and she loosened her grip on the cannon.

“No. I’m going to kick it across the bay.”

“Grrrr! Just lemme have the cannon dad!” Michiru went back to trying to pull it away from him.

“I’m not your dad!” Shirou wrenched the cannon from his not-daughter’s grip and accidentally turned the foam cannon on. A spray of foam spit out from the barrel, sending a long stream of white bubbles in a line across the wall.

Shirou growled and tried to cover the barrel with his hand, as if he could somehow shove the foam back in. He only succeeded in diverting the flow and foam began to pile up on the floor around him.

“How do you turn this thing off?!” He hit a few buttons trying to turn it off, but this only seemed to make the foam pour out even faster.

Shirou growled and hit the buttons even more frantically while Michiru laughed and rolled around in the foam.

The billowing foam continued to rise. It engulfed the coffee table, then the couch, until it was almost at his waist height.

“Enough!” Shirou lifted the cannon with one hand and punched clean through it with his other. Or he would have if the cannon didn’t explode into more foam.

Foam splattered everywhere. The walls, the ceiling, and a large amount that covered Shirou’s face in a thick layer of bubbles.

Foam continued to pour from the corpse of the cannon as he reached up and wiped foam out of his eyes.

“Heheheh! Shirou!” Michiru’s head popped out of the sea of foam. “Your beard looks like Santa Claus! Are you secretly Santa too?!”

Shirou shook his head rapidly, shaking off the foam. “Santa Claus isn’t real.”

“W-What?!”

“And you’re cleaning this up.” He continued. Shirou turned and waded through the foam to the door. A large piece of foam dropped from the ceiling and plopped into the ocean of foam.

“Eh? Shirou... You’re joking, right? Shirou? Shirou!!!” Michiru is slowly swallowed up by the ever-expanding foam.


End file.
